November 2010
60 posts
graveofmyown answered your question: I’m feeling reckless
you sit in the ER for hours until you can see a mental health doctor.
rantingsocks answered your question: I’m feeling reckless
if you take yourself you can check out at any time, unless you prove to be a danger to yourself or other people.
I guess I’m just wondering if I should go… ?
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I'm feeling reckless
I have so much anxiety that it is scaring me.
I believe I have the energy.
What happens if I take myself to the ER for a psych hold?
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Just making it home after therapy.
It took everything I had not to drive into oncoming traffic.
Now I have to go to work and help kids with their classwork and sit through presentations and talk about ways to improve our program and make small talk and send emails and…
And pretend that everything is okay.
Every fucking thing is absolutely not okay.
Seriously, I should have found a body...
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I feel so...
Well, I can’t think of a word.
I can’t sleep, but all I want is to stay in bed.
I let my stomach ache and whine for hours because I have no motivation to get up and find food.
Everything makes my heart flutter and my stomach lurch. A car door closing in the front of my house. My cell phone vibrating when I get a text message. The house creaking.
I feel so dirty all of time. So...
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RE-BLOG if you think tumblr should turn red on...
bellemanie:
ohmissjackson:
..please tumblr, I’d appreciate that so much.
I think I would seriously cry of happiness
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I don't want to get out of bed today.
Anonymous asked: Hey you,
I'm keeping this anonymous, but I'm one of your new(er) followers and I think you are following me as well. My heart goes out to you. I never really put the pieces of my past sexual trauma together until I started dating someone last spring and I had panic attacks during sex, and then it's slowly been coming back to me lately. I've had a major relapse of...
I'm keeping this anonymous, but I'm one of your new(er) followers and I think you are following me as well. My heart goes out to you. I never really put the pieces of my past sexual trauma together until I started dating someone last spring and I had panic attacks during sex, and then it's slowly been coming back to me lately. I've had a major relapse of...
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Things I can't handle right now:
Student loan payments.
Rent/utilities.
The amount of money in my bank account.
My thoughts.
My “homework” for therapy.
Sobering up.
People.
“Friends”.
The fact that it’s only Saturday.
Being alone.
Being with others.
Life, basically.
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“But still. Still, bless me anyway. I want more life. I can’t help myself....”
– Prior Walter - Angels in America
lilmisssunshinee asked: Anonymity is fine with me. I understand how hard it is.
The healing process was really hard at first. I had just turned 14 when it started happening. And it lasted until I has almost 15. Freshman year in HS is hard enough without having this happen to you when you go home. My mom and I had a really bad relationship with my mom who was a terrible alcoholic by then. My...
The healing process was really hard at first. I had just turned 14 when it started happening. And it lasted until I has almost 15. Freshman year in HS is hard enough without having this happen to you when you go home. My mom and I had a really bad relationship with my mom who was a terrible alcoholic by then. My...
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So, maybe I'm drinking too much
Or maybe I’m drinking just enough and no one can see that because no one else can hear these thoughts I’m trying to drown.
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I can't do this anymore
Nothing feels like mine anymore.
In everything I do I find traces of him.
He’s taking over my life, piece by piece.
I have no defenses left.
I can’t get him off of me.
I can’t focus.
I can’t breath.
I want it to stop.
I want it to stop.
I want it to stop.
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Why must I always have a nightmare when I close my...
It makes it impossible to get a decent amount of rest.
I’m already to the point where I can barely sleep at night.
I thought sleeping during the daylight might help, since I’m less anxious during the day.
No luck.
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Right now I'm feeling:
Sleepy.
Like my mind is a mess.
On edge.
Thanksgiving was good. It went a lot better than I expected. I think this might be the first holiday in a long while where people didn’t get drunk and argue.
There was, however, some ignoring of siblings and pretending certain family members don’t exist… but, hey, would it really be a Thanksgiving in this family if that didn’t...
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livingmuertos:
Leigh Nash - Charmed Life
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Lying there: I have never told my whole story. →
lyingthere:
I still can’t even say His name out loud. You’d think I’d be over it by now. It’s been almost two years. FUCK. Two years. Two years of my life have gone by and I’m still sitting here remembering about the way he ruined me. About the way he touched me. The beer on his breath as he talked in my ear…
Congratulations on the finding the courage to tell your story. It’s...
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The Bottom of the Cup
I just saw my reflection in the bottom of my cup.
I finished the last sip of my vodka and ginger ale and there, in the convex bottom of my plastic cup, I saw my bulbous eyes.
I wish I could say I stopped and told myself, Stop it. You’re drinking too much. You’re alone for fuck’s sake. Cut it out.
Instead, however, I decide to just wait about a half hour or so before pouring...
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I hate getting flashbacks of shit I don’t want to...
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Right now I'm feeling:
Lonely.
Proud of myself for finally running errands.
Dread (for Thanksgiving).
Slightly relaxed (I went to my mom’s house for a bit).
printercat asked: hope you're ok x
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I'm too scared to sleep
Is anyone still awake? Anyone want to talk?
Please.
bellemanie replied to your post: Wine and Beer
i am enamored by your beauty.
Wow. Seriously, thank you. Really. That’s one of the nicest things I’ve heard in a long time.
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Wine and Beer
One of my roommates and I are sitting in our dimly lit, kind of chilly kitchen. I’m on Tumblr, he’s reading a book of comic strips. We’re quiet, for the most part. But sometimes he’ll share a comic with me, one he thinks I’ll appreciate—which I always do.
What brought us both to this kitchen island? I don’t know exactly, but I assume inner turmoil (to put...
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Right now I'm feeling:
Removed.
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“Someone has died who is not dead.”
– Crave - Sarah Kane
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I Hate Myself
Here I am at nearly 2 am, listening to the wind, fearing that the power might go out… worried I’ll be trapped in the cold darkness like last week.
I’m no longer riding that calm I get after therapy (even when a session isn’t particularly good) and I’ve found myself full of hatred for myself.
I think I need to just force myself to sleep. Staying awake will lead me in...
lettersthatiwrote-deactivated20 asked: Hi, I definitely know how you feel. I'll keep reading your blog and praying for you.
You should read The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Everyone can learn something from that book. : )
You should read The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Everyone can learn something from that book. : )
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All of these words I’m writing down, How do I say them out loud?
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Right now I'm feeling:
Warm (which is awesome because it’s snowing outside).
Annoyed.
Sad.
Tired.
Anxious/Jittery/Nervous.
Frustrated.
That, though I hate the snow, I love how everything looks a peaceful pinkish-orange color when it snows at night.
Isolated.
Guilty.
That I want to disappear.
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Therapy Today
In therapy, we started off by talking about the homework assignment I was given. I had to write about why I believe the rape happened and how it’s changed my opinion of safety, esteem, power/control, intimacy and something else. We also talked about my “Stuck Points”, which are thoughts that I keep coming back to (one of mine, for example, is: I wasn’t assertive enough).
...
lilmisssunshinee asked: Wow. Just... Wow.
First of all, I want to say I respect you. It's taken me half my life to come out and be as open as you are.
Second of all, I want to introduce myself. My name is Nicole.
Third. I am here if you ever want to or/need to talk. You can leave it in my ask box (Just ask me not to post if you don't want it public), or ask for my email address and I...
First of all, I want to say I respect you. It's taken me half my life to come out and be as open as you are.
Second of all, I want to introduce myself. My name is Nicole.
Third. I am here if you ever want to or/need to talk. You can leave it in my ask box (Just ask me not to post if you don't want it public), or ask for my email address and I...
lovelyladyplant-deactivated2011 asked: not exactly sure how I found your tumblr....your story is close to my heart and I want to follow your journey
big ((((hugs))))))
big ((((hugs))))))
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“I believe in anniversaries. That a mood can be repeated even if the event that...”
– Crave - Sarah Kane
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“Hemingway has his classic moment in “The Sun Also Rises” when...”
– Elizabeth Wurtzel - Prozac Nation (via in-skroo-tuh-buhl) 