August 2011
207 posts
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Watch
“But the worst, oh the fucking worst, making my kids go to a school with only one two other black children because you don’t want them to be improperly influenced. Well, guess what John? YOU’RE the motherfuckin’ improper influence! Get yo shit! Get yo shit! And, get out! ”
Seriously some of the best acting in one of the best scenes in… ever. I know Angela was portraying a character,...
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“baby i miss u sooo soo much wifey will be hme soon n i need ur BIG PETER INSIDE...”
– Someone’s status on my FB news feed.
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“Turing a new leaf over in my life.”
Please shut the fuck up.
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My nightmares are back.
Along with my anxiety.
July 2011
142 posts
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My mom: Damn! Nothing works in my life!
Me: Hey, I work! Oh, wait, no... I'm unemployed.
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monsters
lospantalones:
The most disturbing thing about growing up is realizing that real monsters are people. That you have that in common with them. And then you get around to thinking, “Who else is a monster?”
And then you get around to thinking, “Am I?”
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Questionably Content
It’s odd how uncomfortable it feels to be in a good mood after being depressed for so long.
I’ve been in a decent mood the past two or so days and I feel like my skin is crawling. It’s anxiety inducing. I have this sense of dread bubbling inside of me. It seems too good to be true, like the calm before the storm.
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Things that escape me
I’ve been listening to a lot of hip-hop/rap, circa 2005-present, on Pandora today. Just wanted to point something out…
Words they censor:
Bitch
Hoe
Slut
Fuck
Shit
“Nigga”
Motherfucker
Ass (sometimes)
Damn (sometimes)
Words they don’t censor:
Rape
Glad the FCC is letting society know which words are okay to throw around.
—
[Note: Not dissing on...
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Growing
I attempted to get drunk the other night, just to see if I could. I know that sounds strange, but I’ve noticed that I haven’t been able to drink more than one drink at any given time without being completely disgusted, where just a few months ago that wasn’t the case.
I wasn’t going to drink, but my roommate was having a small gathering and invited me to drink with him and...
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The way things go
I wish I could say that I’m going to go apply for this job today, but I already know I won’t. I have absolutely nothing to do on Monday since my psych is on vacation, so I’m going to force myself to go then.
Today looked so promising. I woke up and thought, Okay, I need to get a job. I haven’t had that thought, and genuinely meant it, in quite some time. I went online and...
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“Everything I’d read about depression and recovery had stressed that the only way...”
– Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation (via headfullofpesticidee)
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I'm talking way too much
And way too fast.
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“Imagine, I suggest to Paris, only knowing that the sun is shining because you...”
– Prozac Nation - Elizabeth Wurtzel
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Best Love Song - Chris Brown & T-Pain
...
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I don't know why I do shit like this
I found the guy who assaulted me (I need to get comfortable with saying that he raped me) in March on Facebook. His profile is open, with the exception of his pictures, so I can see everything. The jokes he shares with his friends, the positive comments about the business he owns (along with his friend who was there that night), the pictures with his family and his newly “in a...
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Whatever comes to mind
I can’t figure out how I feel. I sometimes wonder if I’m even feeling anything. I’m not completely sure how to respond to people, either. I feel like I’m being accused, judged, tossed around from person to person. Apparently my inability to see a reason behind trying is frustrating.
I guess it’s not that I think trying is pointless, it’s that I’m afraid...
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“You’re a little late, I’m already torn.”
– Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
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I'm starting to remember why I did this so much in...
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Fall Asunder
I do not understand the way things flow when they flow the way they flow.
I cannot see the wonder in the eyes of the downtrodden of the excommunicated.
I am lost in the way things sway the way they flourish as they dance in the night.
I seem to be under the spell of another one who sees me but does not approach.
I am scared too scared to pray for fear my delicate hopes will go completely...
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I have so much to sort out, but I’m too far away.
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Almost passed out
Literally.
Heard a rushing sound in my ears, then a high-pitched ringing. Made it to my bed just as things started to fade in and out.
What is going on with my body these days?
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For weeks, I felt empty. I tried to fill myself, With food, with sleep. Unglued, I broke into tears, I wept uncontrollably for hours. Then, When I was all out of tears— After I dried my eyes, After I blew my nose, After I caught my breath— I felt full once more.
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Aging
I feel both young and old.
I feel five-years-old in the sense that I can get myself dressed, tie my own shoes and brush my own teeth, but I still need someone to do all of the really important stuff for me.
I feel eighty or ninety in the sense that I feel I’ve lived a full life. Not in the “I’ve done everything and gone everywhere and am happy with my nearly a century on this...
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I don't know.
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It is not that I hate getting close to people, I hate losing the people I become close with.
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“When people tell you to ‘smile’ they obviously don’t realize...”
– Caprice Crane
Creatinine levels
Apparently, mine are out of range.
I have to go get yet another blood draw on Monday.
All I can say is: This medication better not be fucking up my kidneys.
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tehribbit replied to your post: Today, I’ve written three posts about how I’m feeling
Why bother? Because it gets it out and it allows others to come alongside you, to support you and help carry some of your burden. Some of us care, some of us can relate. In sharing your feelings you could help others and yourself.
You’re absolutely right. I’m just tired is all. Mentally...
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Today, I've written three posts about how I'm...
I’ve erased all of them before posting because all I can think is, Why bother?
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“My mind shine even when my thoughts seem dark.”
– Lil’ Wayne - “Forever” (Drake)
