I am back at TK after 50+ hours of travel. So glad to be off the train. Can’t wait to eat, sleep, and get to work in the morning.

But first, all of the paperwork and questions and waiting ever.

Positive thoughts are appreciated.

Love to you all.

Today, I’ll finally be back in Chicago and headed to TK.

Not fucking it up this time.

I feel pretty fucking miserable tonight.

Dinnertime. Malts and fries at Shake Shake Shake. Tacoma, WA.

I want to give up.
I’m so tired.
I want to cry.

I’m coming home.
Tell the world I’m coming home.

See you guys on the other side. Hopefully things will be a bit brighter.

I’m headed to Timberline Knolls. I leave next week, on Wednesday, on a morning flight. I’m pretty anxious about it, with both good and bad anxiety mixed all together. It will be weird being gone for so long, away from anyone familiar. I get nervous/anxious about going to a place where I’ll most likely be one of the only Black people around. I feel pressure from both sides (not sure if it’s real or imagined, I’ll admit). 

I don’t know a whole lot about how much I’ll be able to communicate via Tumblr since I can’t bring my own phone or laptop. They might have computers there, though.

I’ll be gone for a month, at least. Which isn’t too long in the traditional sense of time, but I still wonder how this will effect my relationship with Tom. We have basically spent everyday together for a year now. We have had some time apart, but this will be the longest we’ve ever spent apart. The way time flows in our relationship seems a bit off from everyone else’s speed. But, I don’t know, there are too many tangents I could take myself on right now, and I shouldn’t.

Point is, I leave in six days.

b0wties-and-braces

(Source: aka-london)

I think that is finally happening for me.

(Source: m-irabilis, via frostbitten-nightmares)

Things are peaceful again.

ugh. 

can I just even get… I mean… fucking something?
come the fuck on cosmos… what have I done to you?

Just feeling some kind of way today. I blew our last $40 until Tuesday by thinking I could maybe double it at a casino. I’m not a gambler. But I was dissociated and that’s where I ended up, so I figured why not?

Answer: because you blow all the measly money you have (that isn’t technically yours) on slots and Spanish 21. 

So, now I’ve been up all night, with the exception of a few hours, trying to figure out how to make that money back. So far I made up $20. My aunt is supposed to give me $15 later today. So that only puts me $5 in the red. I have one other way to make money, but I plead the 5th.

But, that one will put me back in black in a wonderful way.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like Tumblr is the only place I have where I can scream.